Murky Waters

I feel like I'm treading through murky waters. What is a girl to do? I'm at a crossroad, a place where there are many signs telling which way to go, but I can only pick one road to travel down. I am content with my life the way it is right now. I'm single, no children, love to travel and meet new people, I am very spontaneous, and set in my ways. On the other hand, being content is not something I'm sure I can live with. I would like to be married, have a child, have a family to travel with, plan events, and learn to share with those around me. But will this fill me with the joy that I desire? I don't know because most of the people I know that are married are unhappy. I call it Club Misery. They look at my life and want to be single again. They tell me how lucky I am to be single and childless. Lucky??? Yeah, the grass is always greener...

But life in the single lane can also be unpleasant. I get lonely and sometimes resort to the company of some undesirable chap that at some point during our time together I'm wishing he would go away. I really enjoy traveling, but again, it can get lonely on the road. I see lots of beautiful places and I think it would be nice to share some of those experiences with a special someone, and even a family of my own.

The challenge comes in finding this mate I desire. The murky waters part of it. As I tread through, I may stub my foot on something that has the potential to be a treasure. I pull it from the water, wipe it off and wouldn't you know, it was only a rusted can. Sooner than later, I toss it back in the waters, seeing that I have no use for it, surely it can't bring me the joy I am in search of. But sometimes I may stumble upon an object that is bright and shiny, very beautiful on the outside. It catches my attention so surely I must hold it and inspect it carefully, to see if its worth keeping. Time is spent admiring it and I may get a slight attachment to it. This attachment and closeness, unfortunately, allows me to see that it too is flawed. I begin to see the cracks and soon the impurities begin seeping out. Sadly, I have to go back to those same waters and put my once beloved object back. There has to be something in these waters of value, something that can allow me to have what I'm looking for.

I too was a member of Club Misery. Although short-lived, I knew I had to cancel that membership. The older I get I'm certain that I am getting more and more set in my ways. I'm sure that there are unpleasant things about me that a man has discovered too. I am not so delusional as to believe that there is a flawless man out there. But, I have settled for many things in relationships that I have clearly stated I wanted no parts of. I know there will be things that I may have to deal with. But where is this man with the undesirable things that I CAN deal with with???

***Ring, ring, ring***...damnit to hell it's Crazed & Dazed. He's still emailing and calling. Why the hell did I answer that call? Will someone please take me by the hand and lead me to the crystal clear, crazy-free waters???